...remind people that their kids aren't always cute

As a mum I know how all consuming your children can be. Every parent, well every good one anyway, will at times think that their child is the best, the most beautiful, the funniest or whatever attribute, or collection of attributes they think describe their offspring.

That's fine. That's how it should be. With one exception.

Once you leave the boundary of your own home and enter the world that's populated by other people, not all of them parents, you need to get just a little perspective.

Yesterday I had breakfast at Smiths of Smithfield. My second time in 4 weeks which is pretty good going as I live in Norfolk. As a place to eat your first meal of the day it's a hit for me for two reasons:

1. I LOVE the branding - uber cool staff uniforms, loud music and the warehouse environment
2. The pricing is in fractions so it costs 4 1/2 pounds for pancakes...simple pleasures

Yesterday, a bit tired after a very late night, I arrived at SOS, following a 20 minute walk from the hotel, happy to see the doors wide open and lots of people enjoying a full English. There were plenty of children there too, not a problem, I like family dining especially at this time of day.

Shortly after we sat down, some people arrived at the next table to us; a man, woman and toddler. 

Strike 1: When asked by her male companion what she'd like to eat the woman replied 'Oh, I've already eaten.' WTF? Really? Isn't that slightly rude? (He paid and we got the impression he'd invited her.) And also why bother coming to SOS if you're not going to eat?

Strike 2: After clinging to his Mum for the first 10 minutes, the boy finally decided he didn't need to sit on his mother's lap, (most parents have experienced the limpet child), instead he wanted to lie on the floor. He was in the way of customers and staff but as she talked to him constantly whilst he was there she clearly thought this was ok. Finally, after two waitresses had to ask her to move him so they could get past, one of the waiters insisted she sit him elsewhere and pointed out to her 'It's not the most sensible thing to let him lie in the way when we're carrying hot food and drinks is it?' She look affronted, I wanted to applaud him.

Strike 3; you're out!: After drinking their coffee and settling the bill she then followed her son around, holding his reins, as he walked in between all of the tables, basically annoying the other diners for a good 5 minutes. There's a big difference between keeping a child happy and allowing them to do as they wish.

My own treasure has had many moments during her 6 years...

So all new or prospective parents take note: what you will think is cute will invariably be annoying for someone else, but rather than hide away for the first 5 years of your child's life just apply a little common sense and I guarantee most of us will be happy. 

Failing that, please avoid SOS on a Sunday morning just in case I'm enjoying their delicious pancakes and a freshly squeezed OJ. Thanks; I appreciate it.

...write about funerals

Children shouldn't go to funerals.

It's too traumatic, they're disruptive, they won't understand, we need to protect them from the reality of death, they'll be emotionally scarred...

The reasons for excluding children, from what is essentially a major family occasion, are many and in my opinion, unfounded.

The passing of a loved one is of course a difficult subject to address with a child, especially true if the death is unexpected or the circumstances are unnatural, but being involved can prepare children in a positive way for the time when they lose those closest to them and enable them to deal with their emotions in a positive and supported way.

When my Grandad died last month, we sat our 6 year old down to tell her the news. She had visited him in hospital the month before and was understandably upset, albeit in a quiet way. We answered all of her questions honestly and used simple language (with no mention of angels or heaven) and she was keen to know more about what happened next. After explaining what a funeral was (a chance to say goodbye, give thanks, be with family who would be feeling the same way as we did) she expressed a wish to go but of course the decision was not ours to make. Children were excluded and our 6 year old was in tears. Her argument, and she did argue her point, was why wasn't she allowed to say goodbye when grown-ups were. I couldn't disagree with her that this was a valid point and my concern is this: by excluding children from what is a very normal part of life, do we risk instilling in them feelings of resentment and anger in later life?

I'm not in any way saying that children should be forced to attend funerals, it's important that they understand what will happen and can make an informed decision, and this will depend on the maturity, not the age, of the child. But if they do wish to go, there's plenty of information available to help families prepare them for the experience.

During the run up to our family funeral I read lots of articles and research on taking children to funerals but the paper 'My Grandad plants people!' from the Bereavement Advice Centre sums it up perfectly. With advice on how to explain death, what happens to a body when they die and what funerals are for, it contains most things a parent or guardian could need to discuss death with a child.

I still believe my daughter would have benefited from being able to say goodbye to her Great-Grandad, because after all what is the alternative; what is she left with? Basically he was here, but now he's not. He's simply disappeared.

The decision to include children can be a difficult and personal one based on your own beliefs and values but I hope more people move away from the view that funerals are not for children and at least consider embracing the service as one the whole family can take part in - if they want to. Children have a wonderful, open view of life and their honesty is often accompanied by humour - what better emotion to share at the passing of a loved one?

...buy more art

Having just returned from an exhibition of Fabian Perez's latest collection 'Into the Night', at a gallery in Cambridge, I was reflecting on my first foray into the art world. Sadly I'm not gifted artistically, with any vision I have for artistic projects being disproportionate to my ability, but I do love art.

I can still remember where and when it started; the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool and I was 9. This iconic building houses must see paintings by many of the world's most famous artists, and after seeing Holbein's 'Henry VIII' and Hockney's 'Peter getting out of Nick's Pool', I was hooked (I'm wondering now were they hung in alphabetical order and I arrived in the H section?).

As nerdy as it was I spent many a Saturday afternoon looking endlessly at a single painting, and I totally got the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron stares at Seuret's 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jutte', but with no internet access if I wanted to know more about a particular artist I had to pay a visit to the library next door (another place I spent far too much time in as a kid).

I still have the first print I bought, a still life from Marks & Spencer, and it's a shocker. But I keep it because my grandmother gave me the money to buy it and it reminds me that this is where I started; it wasn't grand, or based on an informed opinion, I bought it because I liked it. And that's an approach that's stuck with me to this day.

Googling any artist returns all the information you could need to decide whether an artist is 'collectible' but whilst that may be good practice for an art collector with a must-have list of pieces, looking to invest money in a bid to offset tax liability, for me art remains about the sensory experience. The emotion it evokes each time you look at it. The memories it stirs when you talk about it. It's not about building a pension portfolio.

So tonight, whilst I gazed upon the sublime work of Fabian Perez, for a moment I was 9 years old again, full of admiration for the talents of one individual and filled with excitement that this time I would be taking a piece home with me to look at whenever I wanted to.

I left the gallery with a new painting, and the smallest of crushes on an Argentinian painter who may well be the next big thing, but as I don't plan on selling my copy of 'Calles de san Tellemos', that really is beside the point.

... research marketing through social media channels

I like research. Conducting it and reading it. Something to do with the facts and figures. Reasoning based partly on evidence and partly on opinion. It has something for everyone.

A couple of months ago I ran into an old friend in a petrol station in Liverpool. I no longer live in Liverpool and I drove purposefully to that particular petrol station because I knew they ran a card only system so the queue tends to move quickly. The friend, who I hadn't managed to arrange to meet up with during the trip, happened to be in front of me in the queue. That in itself surely warrants a probability study but it was the outcome of that meeting that got me thinking.

My friend had just picked up some cupcakes which he kindly shared with me and my daughter (securing a friend for life) and because they were so delicious I emailed him the next day for the supplier details.

There began my online relationship with Laura's Little Bakery. Not only does Laura bake truly yummy cakes (the first step to a successful cake business) but she's also an incredibly friendly business woman. During the last 2 months I have watched via Twitter, Facebook and email as her company profile has soared, mainly as a result of marketing through a combination of social media channels. Yes, she has a few flyers in cafes in Liverpool but almost 95% of her marketing is via Twitter and Facebook. She has the use of both sites down to a fine art using a mixture of personal messages, lots of photos and sharing tweets from the interesting and the famous. In Liverpool she's building a reputation as a master baker as well as the sort of company you'd like to do business with, and her 'Kopcakes' are becoming legendary especially after being presented to Rafa on Football Focus this week. (My personal favourite is the salted caramel with union jack.)

It's peaked my interest. Outside of news based organisations there are very few national/international companies that I'd choose to follow on any social network, after all it's the personal element that makes it interesting, but the small businesses...now that's a different matter. Some of my favourites aside from @LaurasBakery are @lemanoir, @nothsdotcom and @EdinburghZoo all of which bring an element of personalisation and sometimes humour to companies and institutions that I'm already a fan of.

And that's what I'd like to research. What's the difference between success and failure in this channel?  Why is it that people like Laura and the Not on the High Street team 'get it' when others don't?

I suspect it's partly down to passion about the product and partly as a result of the right type of  personality. Whatever it is, if the companies I like keep it up they'll have a loyal follower for a long time to come.

...keep up this blog

It's been a while since I last posted but the past month has thrown more than its fair share of challenges my way. On the one hand being busy has prevented me from dwelling on the issues involved but the flip side is that the things I enjoy doing have taken a back seat.

Earlier this month Seth Godin posted 'You don't need more time ... you just need to decide' and whilst I agree with this as a premise I'm not convinced of its translation into practice. How do you decide between the responsibilities of family life, work and your own interests? I could of course choose not to take my daughter to the numerous after school activities on offer reminding her that 'we didn't have all this in our day and we did just fine', but for most of us, this is the very reason why we want our children to have the opportunity to embrace them.

When it comes to work perhaps I need to be more disciplined in when I check emails, how much I undertake in my own time and follow a more structured GTD style approach to organising projects. As a freelancer though, as I've said before in an earlier post, the fear that next month may hold a dry spell makes this a difficult one to do, not the organisation bit - that's a no brainer; but the concept of limiting how much work is done in a day. Most of the work I undertake I actually really enjoy doing so my frustration is this: by the time I've done all that's required of me for work and home (which includes being the primary carer and housekeeper) there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to sit in my chair, finish the books I have on the go and listen to the numerous new albums I've downloaded.

And there my argument stumbles because deep down I know this is all an excuse. I waste as much time as  the next person browsing through favourite websites including blogs, twitter and facebook so my solution is this. I'm going to expand my GTD to limit the time I indulge in the technosphere and increase the time I have for more traditional activities.

It seems after all that Seth is right; I don't need more time...I just need to decide.

...buy a new chair

If there's one thing our house doesn't need it's any more furniture. It's a 3 bedroom, 3 reception room house, average size and there are only 3 of us living in it (excluding the cat and she doesn't take up too much space with her stuff). But for some reason we have five sofas and four chairs spread about the place. I'd like to get rid of two of the sofas; they're old and saggy but my husband loves them, as do most people who spend time sitting in them. For now they can stay.

So another chair is not high on our list of needs, but it's crept to the top of my list of wants.

On Sunday with Christmas behind us we threw caution to the wind, ignored the tradition of twelfth night, and un-decked our Christmas tree. We'd shuffled the furniture around in the sitting room to accommodate the usual oversized tree, so once we'd relocated it to its new home on the bonfire, ready to combust in a tinder fuelled blaze, that's when the idea was sparked. There in the corner of the room was the perfect place for a new chair. There'd be plenty of room for a table, lamp, pile of books, ipod speaker; a square metre of floor space allocated purely to the art of relaxation. And this wouldn't be just any chair. It's a Charles Eames lounge chair and ottoman (reproduction sadly) in chocolate brown leather with a walnut frame. In a word, exquisite. I've already bought it in my head. I sit in it after the chosen one has gone to bed; reading, listening to music, glass of wine to hand and a view of the garden straight ahead.

I'm pretending to debate the merits. On the 'for' side we'd then have equal quantities of chairs and sofas, a fact that is of course ridiculous but nevertheless satisfies my need for symmetry and order. On the 'against' side we could spend the money on plenty of other things: a treadmill, wallpaper, new garden furniture...the list is lengthy and all items are worthy of consideration.

It is of course a done deal. But once it's in place we'll need to think about whether we should buy a new side table and lamp too. Not to mention the fact that there'd be a space on the wall behind which would probably need a new paining...I'll think about it; from my new chair.