...write about funerals

Children shouldn't go to funerals.

It's too traumatic, they're disruptive, they won't understand, we need to protect them from the reality of death, they'll be emotionally scarred...

The reasons for excluding children, from what is essentially a major family occasion, are many and in my opinion, unfounded.

The passing of a loved one is of course a difficult subject to address with a child, especially true if the death is unexpected or the circumstances are unnatural, but being involved can prepare children in a positive way for the time when they lose those closest to them and enable them to deal with their emotions in a positive and supported way.

When my Grandad died last month, we sat our 6 year old down to tell her the news. She had visited him in hospital the month before and was understandably upset, albeit in a quiet way. We answered all of her questions honestly and used simple language (with no mention of angels or heaven) and she was keen to know more about what happened next. After explaining what a funeral was (a chance to say goodbye, give thanks, be with family who would be feeling the same way as we did) she expressed a wish to go but of course the decision was not ours to make. Children were excluded and our 6 year old was in tears. Her argument, and she did argue her point, was why wasn't she allowed to say goodbye when grown-ups were. I couldn't disagree with her that this was a valid point and my concern is this: by excluding children from what is a very normal part of life, do we risk instilling in them feelings of resentment and anger in later life?

I'm not in any way saying that children should be forced to attend funerals, it's important that they understand what will happen and can make an informed decision, and this will depend on the maturity, not the age, of the child. But if they do wish to go, there's plenty of information available to help families prepare them for the experience.

During the run up to our family funeral I read lots of articles and research on taking children to funerals but the paper 'My Grandad plants people!' from the Bereavement Advice Centre sums it up perfectly. With advice on how to explain death, what happens to a body when they die and what funerals are for, it contains most things a parent or guardian could need to discuss death with a child.

I still believe my daughter would have benefited from being able to say goodbye to her Great-Grandad, because after all what is the alternative; what is she left with? Basically he was here, but now he's not. He's simply disappeared.

The decision to include children can be a difficult and personal one based on your own beliefs and values but I hope more people move away from the view that funerals are not for children and at least consider embracing the service as one the whole family can take part in - if they want to. Children have a wonderful, open view of life and their honesty is often accompanied by humour - what better emotion to share at the passing of a loved one?

...buy more art

Having just returned from an exhibition of Fabian Perez's latest collection 'Into the Night', at a gallery in Cambridge, I was reflecting on my first foray into the art world. Sadly I'm not gifted artistically, with any vision I have for artistic projects being disproportionate to my ability, but I do love art.

I can still remember where and when it started; the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool and I was 9. This iconic building houses must see paintings by many of the world's most famous artists, and after seeing Holbein's 'Henry VIII' and Hockney's 'Peter getting out of Nick's Pool', I was hooked (I'm wondering now were they hung in alphabetical order and I arrived in the H section?).

As nerdy as it was I spent many a Saturday afternoon looking endlessly at a single painting, and I totally got the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron stares at Seuret's 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jutte', but with no internet access if I wanted to know more about a particular artist I had to pay a visit to the library next door (another place I spent far too much time in as a kid).

I still have the first print I bought, a still life from Marks & Spencer, and it's a shocker. But I keep it because my grandmother gave me the money to buy it and it reminds me that this is where I started; it wasn't grand, or based on an informed opinion, I bought it because I liked it. And that's an approach that's stuck with me to this day.

Googling any artist returns all the information you could need to decide whether an artist is 'collectible' but whilst that may be good practice for an art collector with a must-have list of pieces, looking to invest money in a bid to offset tax liability, for me art remains about the sensory experience. The emotion it evokes each time you look at it. The memories it stirs when you talk about it. It's not about building a pension portfolio.

So tonight, whilst I gazed upon the sublime work of Fabian Perez, for a moment I was 9 years old again, full of admiration for the talents of one individual and filled with excitement that this time I would be taking a piece home with me to look at whenever I wanted to.

I left the gallery with a new painting, and the smallest of crushes on an Argentinian painter who may well be the next big thing, but as I don't plan on selling my copy of 'Calles de san Tellemos', that really is beside the point.