Come on. I'm a scouser I'm allowed to use that reference!
When I wrote my 'share all' blog a few days ago I hesitated enormously before I clicked the post button.
What if the response was really negative? There's been one person who I can see doesn't know what to say to me. I totally understand. I must seem like a stranger to some of you. I'm not really. Just revealing a side of me that has stayed hidden for too long. About 30 years too long.
And what if I lost work as a result of my honesty? Mental health is still largely misunderstood. I don't claim to be an expert. I'm finding my feet here as much as the next person but I need to be realistic. I'm self-employed and I need to stay on top of my game. There's no sick leave. No compassionate leave. At least not officially. As I mentioned earlier this week I'm extremely fortunate to work with clients who treat me like one of the team but I can't take this for granted.
It was a huge risk. But I knew I couldn't carry on the way I was. Being able to talk to people could quite literally save my life. I'll come on to the S word in a later post; I'm not at the stage where I can share how I really feel about this yet. It's too raw. I'm too raw. And I don't think the people closest to me are ready either.
I have however been blown away by the response. Firstly the people who reached out with good wishes and to give me a virtual hug. Thank you. It may seem small but it really does mean a lot.
SANE runs a campaign called 'Send a text save a life' which encourages people to send an unsolicited 'are you ok' text to someone who needs it. One of my friends sent me a funny photo of one of his kids. No other message. No 'how are you?' or 'how's it going?'. Just a really cute picture with a caption that made me laugh. That sort of support has such a positive impact so thanks especially to you Mr X, you know who you are :)
Secondly I've received a surprising number of messages from friends, family, colleagues and strangers who are currently going through, or have experienced, depression in their lives. Again thank you. I know how hard it can be to share your experience. Each one of us is on our own personal journey. Everything we go through is relative to us and I can't compare my depressive apple with your depressive orange. However if I can help any of you please let me know. For now I'll live by the SANE approach and send you a message now and again to remind you that I care.
That's it really. I took a risk and the early signs are good. Thanks for reading.
Photo by LFCJosh
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