...write about funerals

Children shouldn't go to funerals.

It's too traumatic, they're disruptive, they won't understand, we need to protect them from the reality of death, they'll be emotionally scarred...

The reasons for excluding children, from what is essentially a major family occasion, are many and in my opinion, unfounded.

The passing of a loved one is of course a difficult subject to address with a child, especially true if the death is unexpected or the circumstances are unnatural, but being involved can prepare children in a positive way for the time when they lose those closest to them and enable them to deal with their emotions in a positive and supported way.

When my Grandad died last month, we sat our 6 year old down to tell her the news. She had visited him in hospital the month before and was understandably upset, albeit in a quiet way. We answered all of her questions honestly and used simple language (with no mention of angels or heaven) and she was keen to know more about what happened next. After explaining what a funeral was (a chance to say goodbye, give thanks, be with family who would be feeling the same way as we did) she expressed a wish to go but of course the decision was not ours to make. Children were excluded and our 6 year old was in tears. Her argument, and she did argue her point, was why wasn't she allowed to say goodbye when grown-ups were. I couldn't disagree with her that this was a valid point and my concern is this: by excluding children from what is a very normal part of life, do we risk instilling in them feelings of resentment and anger in later life?

I'm not in any way saying that children should be forced to attend funerals, it's important that they understand what will happen and can make an informed decision, and this will depend on the maturity, not the age, of the child. But if they do wish to go, there's plenty of information available to help families prepare them for the experience.

During the run up to our family funeral I read lots of articles and research on taking children to funerals but the paper 'My Grandad plants people!' from the Bereavement Advice Centre sums it up perfectly. With advice on how to explain death, what happens to a body when they die and what funerals are for, it contains most things a parent or guardian could need to discuss death with a child.

I still believe my daughter would have benefited from being able to say goodbye to her Great-Grandad, because after all what is the alternative; what is she left with? Basically he was here, but now he's not. He's simply disappeared.

The decision to include children can be a difficult and personal one based on your own beliefs and values but I hope more people move away from the view that funerals are not for children and at least consider embracing the service as one the whole family can take part in - if they want to. Children have a wonderful, open view of life and their honesty is often accompanied by humour - what better emotion to share at the passing of a loved one?

...buy more art

Having just returned from an exhibition of Fabian Perez's latest collection 'Into the Night', at a gallery in Cambridge, I was reflecting on my first foray into the art world. Sadly I'm not gifted artistically, with any vision I have for artistic projects being disproportionate to my ability, but I do love art.

I can still remember where and when it started; the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool and I was 9. This iconic building houses must see paintings by many of the world's most famous artists, and after seeing Holbein's 'Henry VIII' and Hockney's 'Peter getting out of Nick's Pool', I was hooked (I'm wondering now were they hung in alphabetical order and I arrived in the H section?).

As nerdy as it was I spent many a Saturday afternoon looking endlessly at a single painting, and I totally got the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron stares at Seuret's 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jutte', but with no internet access if I wanted to know more about a particular artist I had to pay a visit to the library next door (another place I spent far too much time in as a kid).

I still have the first print I bought, a still life from Marks & Spencer, and it's a shocker. But I keep it because my grandmother gave me the money to buy it and it reminds me that this is where I started; it wasn't grand, or based on an informed opinion, I bought it because I liked it. And that's an approach that's stuck with me to this day.

Googling any artist returns all the information you could need to decide whether an artist is 'collectible' but whilst that may be good practice for an art collector with a must-have list of pieces, looking to invest money in a bid to offset tax liability, for me art remains about the sensory experience. The emotion it evokes each time you look at it. The memories it stirs when you talk about it. It's not about building a pension portfolio.

So tonight, whilst I gazed upon the sublime work of Fabian Perez, for a moment I was 9 years old again, full of admiration for the talents of one individual and filled with excitement that this time I would be taking a piece home with me to look at whenever I wanted to.

I left the gallery with a new painting, and the smallest of crushes on an Argentinian painter who may well be the next big thing, but as I don't plan on selling my copy of 'Calles de san Tellemos', that really is beside the point.

... research marketing through social media channels

I like research. Conducting it and reading it. Something to do with the facts and figures. Reasoning based partly on evidence and partly on opinion. It has something for everyone.

A couple of months ago I ran into an old friend in a petrol station in Liverpool. I no longer live in Liverpool and I drove purposefully to that particular petrol station because I knew they ran a card only system so the queue tends to move quickly. The friend, who I hadn't managed to arrange to meet up with during the trip, happened to be in front of me in the queue. That in itself surely warrants a probability study but it was the outcome of that meeting that got me thinking.

My friend had just picked up some cupcakes which he kindly shared with me and my daughter (securing a friend for life) and because they were so delicious I emailed him the next day for the supplier details.

There began my online relationship with Laura's Little Bakery. Not only does Laura bake truly yummy cakes (the first step to a successful cake business) but she's also an incredibly friendly business woman. During the last 2 months I have watched via Twitter, Facebook and email as her company profile has soared, mainly as a result of marketing through a combination of social media channels. Yes, she has a few flyers in cafes in Liverpool but almost 95% of her marketing is via Twitter and Facebook. She has the use of both sites down to a fine art using a mixture of personal messages, lots of photos and sharing tweets from the interesting and the famous. In Liverpool she's building a reputation as a master baker as well as the sort of company you'd like to do business with, and her 'Kopcakes' are becoming legendary especially after being presented to Rafa on Football Focus this week. (My personal favourite is the salted caramel with union jack.)

It's peaked my interest. Outside of news based organisations there are very few national/international companies that I'd choose to follow on any social network, after all it's the personal element that makes it interesting, but the small businesses...now that's a different matter. Some of my favourites aside from @LaurasBakery are @lemanoir, @nothsdotcom and @EdinburghZoo all of which bring an element of personalisation and sometimes humour to companies and institutions that I'm already a fan of.

And that's what I'd like to research. What's the difference between success and failure in this channel?  Why is it that people like Laura and the Not on the High Street team 'get it' when others don't?

I suspect it's partly down to passion about the product and partly as a result of the right type of  personality. Whatever it is, if the companies I like keep it up they'll have a loyal follower for a long time to come.

...keep up this blog

It's been a while since I last posted but the past month has thrown more than its fair share of challenges my way. On the one hand being busy has prevented me from dwelling on the issues involved but the flip side is that the things I enjoy doing have taken a back seat.

Earlier this month Seth Godin posted 'You don't need more time ... you just need to decide' and whilst I agree with this as a premise I'm not convinced of its translation into practice. How do you decide between the responsibilities of family life, work and your own interests? I could of course choose not to take my daughter to the numerous after school activities on offer reminding her that 'we didn't have all this in our day and we did just fine', but for most of us, this is the very reason why we want our children to have the opportunity to embrace them.

When it comes to work perhaps I need to be more disciplined in when I check emails, how much I undertake in my own time and follow a more structured GTD style approach to organising projects. As a freelancer though, as I've said before in an earlier post, the fear that next month may hold a dry spell makes this a difficult one to do, not the organisation bit - that's a no brainer; but the concept of limiting how much work is done in a day. Most of the work I undertake I actually really enjoy doing so my frustration is this: by the time I've done all that's required of me for work and home (which includes being the primary carer and housekeeper) there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to sit in my chair, finish the books I have on the go and listen to the numerous new albums I've downloaded.

And there my argument stumbles because deep down I know this is all an excuse. I waste as much time as  the next person browsing through favourite websites including blogs, twitter and facebook so my solution is this. I'm going to expand my GTD to limit the time I indulge in the technosphere and increase the time I have for more traditional activities.

It seems after all that Seth is right; I don't need more time...I just need to decide.

...buy a new chair

If there's one thing our house doesn't need it's any more furniture. It's a 3 bedroom, 3 reception room house, average size and there are only 3 of us living in it (excluding the cat and she doesn't take up too much space with her stuff). But for some reason we have five sofas and four chairs spread about the place. I'd like to get rid of two of the sofas; they're old and saggy but my husband loves them, as do most people who spend time sitting in them. For now they can stay.

So another chair is not high on our list of needs, but it's crept to the top of my list of wants.

On Sunday with Christmas behind us we threw caution to the wind, ignored the tradition of twelfth night, and un-decked our Christmas tree. We'd shuffled the furniture around in the sitting room to accommodate the usual oversized tree, so once we'd relocated it to its new home on the bonfire, ready to combust in a tinder fuelled blaze, that's when the idea was sparked. There in the corner of the room was the perfect place for a new chair. There'd be plenty of room for a table, lamp, pile of books, ipod speaker; a square metre of floor space allocated purely to the art of relaxation. And this wouldn't be just any chair. It's a Charles Eames lounge chair and ottoman (reproduction sadly) in chocolate brown leather with a walnut frame. In a word, exquisite. I've already bought it in my head. I sit in it after the chosen one has gone to bed; reading, listening to music, glass of wine to hand and a view of the garden straight ahead.

I'm pretending to debate the merits. On the 'for' side we'd then have equal quantities of chairs and sofas, a fact that is of course ridiculous but nevertheless satisfies my need for symmetry and order. On the 'against' side we could spend the money on plenty of other things: a treadmill, wallpaper, new garden furniture...the list is lengthy and all items are worthy of consideration.

It is of course a done deal. But once it's in place we'll need to think about whether we should buy a new side table and lamp too. Not to mention the fact that there'd be a space on the wall behind which would probably need a new paining...I'll think about it; from my new chair.

...go to a school play

Today was the 3rd and final performance of my daughter's Christmas play 'Babushka'. Kids ranging in age from 5 to 9 did themselves, and the school, proud as they sang and acted their hearts out, missed cues, dropped the baby Jesus on his head and managed wardrobe malfunctions. I know it's the same at primary schools up and down the UK but there's just something a bit special about your school's play.

In all honesty, like many parents, I was less than impressed that we had to block out time for 3 performances; it's a busy time juggling work, school activities, Christmas present buying and wrapping as well as the seemingly, never-ending culinary demands. However all frustration disappeared as my 6 year old took to the stage to perform a Russian dance with 9 of her classmates. Resplendent in Russian dress, the beaming smile on her face said it all. This is it. Life is good. And if it's not good when you're 6 then there's really not much to be optimistic about.

The year 2 who played the lead role was hilarious with a good sense of the comedy of her character and the younger pupils made adorable angels, farmyard animals and insects (if you don't know the story:  Babushka meets the 3 wise men on her way to 'rescue' the new born baby King from a dirty stable; well in the main). The daughter of a friend of ours sang a solo and another child picked his nose for most of the performance. It was, as it should be, a play of contrasts and the perfect start to the Christmas celebrations, reminding me that some things are more important than others.

With our star of the show now tucked up in bed it's time to catch up on work but the memory of a joyful 6 year old looking for me in the audience and watching my reaction as she sang and danced her way through the show is well worth the late night.

... think about actioning my to do list

My to do list would make David Allen cringe. This is odd because as someone with mild OCD I'm a big fan of the concept behind the GTD (Getting Things Done) methodology: removing tasks and actions from the mind by keeping a record of them either on paper or electronically.

I have all the GTD tools: the filing system (daily, yearly, A-Z), colour coded post-it notes and cards for recording actions against life areas (home, work, kids) and of course the book. And for the last year I've also followed David Allen on Twitter reading some of his links with great interest.

'Yes' I think, 'I'll start doing that.' But what is it that stops me from actually getting on with it, from getting things done?

Basically, I take the Why Don't You approach and 'go out and do something less boring instead.' Why sort out my filing when I could join my 6 year old on the zipwire in our garden? And do I really want to categorise all the things I need to do on different coloured cards, stored in different folders? Well yes I'm the sort of person who'd love it, but I'd much rather be cooking and listening to The Boss or Radio 2. It's not that I'm totally dismissing the GTD system merely assigning it to a yellow postcard for action another day.

I get that if I actually organised myself in a GTD way, I might have more time to read, go to the cinema, sit around with girlfriends or maybe take on another client. But the problem is, I manage to fit these things in around my slightly chaotic approach to life and every now and then I get to treat myself to a day of sorting, shredding and filing.

As we have 30 people joining us for a party on Saturday I feel it would be wise to do an office clear out before then, if only I didn't have the tree to decorate, Christmas school plays to attend and a family gathering in the Midlands for the annual Christmas present exchange. That said, I've got a few spare minutes...maybe I'll check out these lovely filing products first...JIC (just in case).